oday is that day again. The 17th of the December. The day that marks 13 years since Faith went to heaven. Whenever angelversary comes my heart breaks a little. I don’t like these days. They only mark how long she’s been gone, how long we’ve been living without her, how long we’ve been going through this pain and grief. They bring back that heartbreak of saying goodbye, just when we were so happy to hold her in our arms.It should have been so different. I should have been happy every 17th of December. I should have celebrated every 17th of December. I should have been writing a diary entry in her memory book to note all the new things she has learned to do in the last month. I should be remembering her first glimpse at this world with nothing but love and happiness. I should be looking at her pictures and be completely amazed at how much she’s grown and changed already.Instead, this day is empty. It’s lonely. It’s painful. It’s heartbreaking. It fills my mind with why’s all over again. It makes me doubt if I’ve done the right things during my pregnancy. It makes me wonder if I could have done more. It makes me feel I failed her. It reopens all my wounds, just when I’ve been working so hard to heal them just a very tiny bit.It feels so wrong that this day brings nothing but feelings of hurt, pain and grief into my heart and mind. The 17th of December will forever be her day. So apart from spending the day crying for her passing, which is inevitable, I want to use this day to start thinking about how I can make something beautiful out of every 17th December. Things I’ve done already on her angelversaries: Create a box of hope Light a candle for her Write her a letter Take some time to reflect on the beautiful moments we spent together I’m using this next month as time to reflect more on this subject and add items to this list. The 17th of December will not always be a free day, so it’s important to come up with a few things that fit into a busy work-life schedule. For example, creating a box of hope takes me more time than I can free up on a working day. But lighting a candle makes me feel like I haven’t done enough.