Mary Ann & Pattie, When a child passes everyone comforts the mother but what about the grandmother? She is suffering too. I just want you both to know that I will be thinking of you on Faith's Angelversary. Time passes and our pain numbs but it will always leave a huge hole in out hearts. God bless...Jackie

oday is that day again. The 17th of the December. The day that marks 13 years since Faith went to heaven. Whenever angelversary comes my heart breaks a little. I don’t like these days. They only mark how long she’s been gone, how long we’ve been living without her, how long we’ve been going through this pain and grief. They bring back that heartbreak of saying goodbye, just when we were so happy to hold her in our arms.It should have been so different. I should have been happy every 17th of December. I should have celebrated every 17th of December. I should have been writing a diary entry in her memory book to note all the new things she has learned to do in the last month. I should be remembering her first glimpse at this world with nothing but love and happiness. I should be looking at her pictures and be completely amazed at how much she’s grown and changed already.Instead, this day is empty. It’s lonely. It’s painful. It’s heartbreaking. It fills my mind with why’s all over again. It makes me doubt if I’ve done the right things during my pregnancy. It makes me wonder if I could have done more. It makes me feel I failed her. It reopens all my wounds, just when I’ve been working so hard to heal them just a very tiny bit.It feels so wrong that this day brings nothing but feelings of hurt, pain and grief into my heart and mind. The 17th of December will forever be her day. So apart from spending the day crying for her passing, which is inevitable, I want to use this day to start thinking about how I can make something beautiful out of every 17th December. Things I’ve done already on her angelversaries: Create a box of hope Light a candle for her Write her a letter Take some time to reflect on the beautiful moments we spent together I’m using this next month as time to reflect more on this subject and add items to this list. The 17th of December will not always be a free day, so it’s important to come up with a few things that fit into a busy work-life schedule. For example, creating a box of hope takes me more time than I can free up on a working day. But lighting a candle makes me feel like I haven’t done enough.

It’s the news that no one hopes for, Every parent's greatest fear Finding out the child you love so much Might not make it through the year Now the thought of spending Christmas Without him just feels wrong They’ve been praying for a miracle, Now they're praying he can just hold on (chorus) For one last Christmas one last time One last season when the world is right One more telling of the story One more verse of Silent Night They’d give anything so he could have One last Christmas Middle of September Still seventy degrees Daddy climbs up in the attic Brings down candles Hangs the lights on all the trees Then the neighbors started asking And pretty soon word got around First it was the neighborhood, Before too long they lit up that whole town Twenty-seventh of October, His time was wearing thin Friends and family, even strangers That they didn’t know brought presents in He was weak but he was smiling Like there was nothing even wrong They said he wouldn’t make it, Looks like he got to see it after all